I know how you feel. I had to get away from the watchtower and was agnostic for 10 years to deprogram myself before I could look at everything with a clean slate. It's great to question such things and to use your own mind. I never drank the watchtower cool-aid thanks to that. The older I get the more I find myself not being surprised by just how strange this physical world is. Everything we know and can comprehend is formed in this physical dimension that we occupy and can relate to in such a short existence. Makes you wonder what's out there and why Humans have such a pre conceived component to comprehend the spiritual and such existential thoughts.
As Woody Allen once said, "I can't sleep at night, I just lie awake thinking about death and the abyss."